My Dearest Enemy: An Unexpected Valentine

(Originally published on Medium.) 

My dearest enemy,

Oh, how I loathe thee. Let me count the ways.

You make me burn with enmity every time you foil one of my schemes. Make me scream to the skies every time the news reports on your good deeds. Make malice boil up and over my skin when I even think of your silly flapping cape as you fly into the sunset.

The very thought of you sets my teeth on edge and yet I know I’m my very best evilest self because of the challenge of you. Only that makes my hate incomplete. Makes me hesitate on the killing blow, miss a step in my diabolical plans, worried in fact, this time my victory will be total and — without you — the fun of the cat and mouse game would end. And life would not be nearly as devilishly sweet.

I imagine you as you read this. Will the cardstock crumple in your fists in equally returned rage? Will you scour the words late into the night, hoping to divine some clue to my latest machinations? For certainly why would I send such a thing on love’s dedicated day unless I desired to cause its opposite.

But even I can be betrayed by passing whims of sentimentality. As I write these confessions, I wonder if you, when nursing bruises after the swell of victory, when in the thrill of chasing my steps, and within the cathartic release of cursing my name, ever feel something of the same. Like we are the opposite poles of a magnet, dis-alike yet drawn together by a force greater than fate. That we are less enemies than two parts of a chemical reaction needed for an explosion. That you thrive in the challenge of me too.

Alas, you will not have time to ponder about this too long. I’ve been in a malaise and I miss our games. The clock is already ticking and I’m sure you pick up that implied threat without much riddling.

To my fiercest rival, my most dedicated nemesis, my diametrically opposed, my perfectly aligned other half — I’ll be seeing you soon.
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Happy Valentine’s Day.
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